If Cleanliness is Next To Godliness...I am Doomed

They say that the two biggest topics spouses argue about are money and sex.  Leave it to me and Captain to dare to be different.  I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve argued about either one, or both, of those things.  Apparently we are on the same page there.  I guess that’s good.

So what do we argue about?

You’ll never guess.  

Cleaning.  

Yep, contrary to the image above, cleaning at the Brogan Ranch is when the gloves come off and vile insults are hurled around by all parties involved.  Well, no, mostly that’s me.  Captain just keeps doing the cleaning thing and sucking me into the cleaning vortex.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I am a (total) slob or that I am going to be on one of those reality shows any time soon.  But because I am a it’s-good-enough kind of gal and Captain is more of a it-has-to-be-perfect kind of guy...you can see where the conflict comes from.

We recently hosted my family’s Easter celebration at our house.  I know my family loves me with all of my quirks and foibles, so I know that if for some reason--like I had better things to do--the refrigerator shelves are not sparkly clean, they will keep right on loving me.  They might laugh themselves stupid on the way home, but I won’t know that so I won’t care.

Captain can imagine every possible snarky conversation that might happen in the cars as they leave Chez Brogan, so he goes psycho on the cleaning thing.  Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but he gets a lot more uptight about it than I do.  Then again, he gets more uptight about everything than I do.

But I digress.

As he was scrubbing the front door with Kaboom the other day--and standing there awed and amazed at the amount of dirt on the door--I told him nobody goes into another person’s home and judges them for their cleanliness.  At least I don’t, but apparently Captain does.  So, fair warning to all of our acquaintances on that score.

I told him whether I am a guest or a hostess, my criteria for a successful gathering is:  did people laugh and have fun and did they get enough to eat?  Nowhere on my checklist is there a line item for the microwave door had smudges on it or the curtains were askew.  Who freaking cares?!

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  My door is ALWAYS open to friends and family to stop in.  If I know you’re coming, I will have the house in what I consider to be a presentable state.  I’ll ply you with food, beverage, and conversation.  If I don’t know you’re coming...you get what you get for cleanliness, but I will still ply you with food, beverage, and conversation.  

If you are up to the risk, I have the coffee on...come on by!

Images used:
http://www.twinkleclean.co/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/cleaning-meme.jpg
http://www.maids.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/mantip42.png
https://i.imgflip.com/11grmv.jpg
http://www.maids.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/TheoryOnHouseworkUpdated.png

Never Stop Learning

I haven’t had anything exciting happen in the recent past, but I have been learning a thing or two about a variety of topics.

I learned from a talk radio show that white wine goes with white meat and red wine goes with red meat.  I’m not a big wine drinker so I’m not surprised I didn’t know this.  However, there are wine drinkers in my family, so I’m glad I learned this so I don’t make a culinary faux pas at a future family dinner.

I learned that there is a YouTube video for anything that you want to research.  Some are worthwhile and some should be deleted, but they are out there should you desire to see them.  

I found out that the method of vertically or horizontally centering things on a sheet of typing paper that I learned back in my high school typing class can also apply to centering a picture in a certain space on a wall.  Does anyone else remember those days of figuring out the total width, subtracting the size of what needs to be centered, then dividing that number by two to find out what size the right and left margins should be?  I know at least four people who should remember that because they were in my typing class!

I learned that you can filter a Google image search to include only those things that are acceptable for reuse (i.e. not copyrighted).  

I learned that using actual curlers a la Kitty Foreman to style my bangs and letting them air dry makes a longer-lasting curl than the curling iron does.  Added benefit--it doesn’t damage my hair.  

I learned that you can paint over stain and you can stain over paint.  You can paint over Mod Podge but you cannot stain over Mod Podge.  This was a big fat DUH moment for me when I tested it out on some scrap would because it says right on the Mod Podge bottle:  wood sealer.  Still, good to know for future reference!

Perhaps the biggest lesson I’ve (re)learned is that patience is not my strong suit.  I’m used to just diving into a project and not stopping until I am done.  This doesn’t work with the wood or canvas stenciling gamut because there is the whole alignment things which takes some planning and--egad--involves some math.  

With wood, the process is to stain it and let it dry overnight.  Then it’s Mod Podge and dry overnight.  Once the stencil is painted on...you guessed it...dry overnight.  Apply a final coat of Mod Podge and dry overnight.  Lastly, apply two coats of varnish with an overnight dry time in between.  Let’s count those up--that’s a six-day process.  

I also learned that it’s best to do each step to multiple pieces of wood or canvas.  Otherwise the brush gets used for a whopping 10 seconds and has to be washed right away.

I had mentioned I was looking at investing in a Cricut.  Since I can’t afford that right now, I have been coming up with workarounds, and I have learned that good old fashion paper, pencil, and carbon paper does just as good a job as a Cricut could do (in my opinion).  

Even better is printing the saying I want then putting that in a sheet protector before tracing the letters.  My paper templates last much longer that way.

I learned that using mail merge to print forms is the greatest thing since sliced bread and beats the old copy-and-paste method hands down.  

While none of these things is earth-shattering or of even remote interest to anyone else, they are important to me.  It brings home the theory that you should never be done learning.  

Holly Hobby

Here’s the thing about hobbies:  they’re expensive.  I don’t care what it is.  Quilting, crocheting, fishing...you’re going to shell out money no matter what.

But here’s the other thing about hobbies.  They are essential.  Not that you should spend all your time on hobbies, but you know the old saying about all work and no play.  There has to be a balance.  

I spent an undisclosed amount of money on yarn over the winter.  You could submit me to the worst torture method you’ve got, and I wouldn’t give up that amount.  Captain doesn't even know, and we are going to keep it that way. However, that investment brought me many hours of enjoyment, which in turn, allowed me to bring enjoyment--I hope--to those I shared my finished items with.  

It’s getting too warm now for me to crochet now.  It’s too early for gardening.  I could do some reading, but I am seriously super picky about what books I buy.  Nora Roberts (a/k/a J.D. Robb) is the only author I will spend money on.  I know I could go to the public library and get books for free, except they aren’t really free for me because I always end up with late fees.  

So this in-between time leaves me with a lot of time on my hands. I remembered I had picked up a wood burning kit on a garage sale several years ago thinking I would use that, some raw wood pieces, and a nice Min-Wax stain/varnish combo to make wall decor.  Good theory, but it turns out that wood burner isn’t as easy to use as I thought it might be.  

Go to plan B and we have raw wood items, stencils, paint markers, and stain/varnish.  My first two attempts in this arena were both enjoyable to me and wall-worthy for anyone I might decide to gift them to.  

Back to the money thing.  Hobby Lobby has a nice selection of raw wood items, and I’m sure I could find a bazillion others on Amazon.  None of them are out-of-this-world expensive but still cost something.  Stencils aren’t terribly expensive, plus they are reusable so that’s a plus.  

I bought a couple of different alphabet stencils--the kind where the whole alphabet, both upper and lower case, were on one sheet.  This worked okay, but it was a little difficult to be sure I had the letters all the exact same space apart and lined up exactly the same.

I started researching to see if I could get the alphabet stencils where the letters were...freestanding, for lack of a better word.  That way I could line them up better.  Yes, but those were a little more expensive and there weren’t a lot of choices for fonts.  

One of my bowling ladies mentioned using her Cricut to make my own customized stencils.  I had a vague idea what a Cricut was since my niece does a bunch of scrap-booking, but I had NO idea they could do everything the videos say they can do!

So here’s the expensive part of this new hobby.  Those things are $100 and up, depending on which model you buy.  I will be adding this to my wish list for the future because I had 500 ideas pop into my head while I was looking at the tutorial videos.  

Maybe I will just take my friend up on her offer and have an excuse to get together with her for coffee some Saturday morning.  You can’t put a price on that!


Images used:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/1d/c9/d2/1dc9d298580c1d9b9c2deebc7dc068a7.jpg
https://www.memecreator.org/static/images/memes/4105312.jpg
http://www.spraypaintstencils.com/alphabetstencils/Military-image.gif