The Great Goat Float Incident

Image courtesy of clipartlibrary.com

Parade season will soon be upon us.  I know this because I am in charge of organizing the Pine Island FFA Alumni float each year for the Pine Island Cheese Fest, which is the first festival of the summer.  So, side note, mark your calendars for June 2 in Pine Island!

Parades were a big part of my summers as a kid, first as a spectator and later on as a participant with my peeps on unicycles.  Boy, those were the days!

No parade, however, will be as etched in my mind as the Elgin Cheese Days parade with the Great Goat Float Incident.

This escapade for many years was top secret and never spoken of outside of the circle of instigators, mainly to protect some minors who had been involved.  And mostly to irritate the crap out of one particular person specifically.  I shall not name this person because those minors who are now adults still need to be protected.

If you've followed this blog at all, or know anything about me, you know that my dad and his cronies were first class imps and often up to mischief.  I've always maintained their mischief was never malicious, and I'll stand by that, although you may not agree with me by the end of this post.

Anyway, any one who really knows me, or knew my dad and his buddies, knows that hauling outhouses around in the middle of the night was the height of entertainment in and around Potsdam, Elgin, and Plainview.  If you don't know this, please read Outlaws and Outhouses before reading any further here.

During one particular night of entertainment, the Terrifying Triad consisting of my dad and his two buddies decided to up their game.  They wouldn't just leave an outhouse this time.  No, now they'd add livestock to it.  What better livestock to go with an outhouse than a goat, right?  Sure, why not?

Now, Elgin, Minnesota is not now nor has it ever been a thriving metropolis, but it's a pretty little town in the country.  On the outskirts of town proper, there is a subdivision of more upscale homes than the bungalows inside city limits.

This area of Elgin was called Wood Lawn Estates, and the entrance into the subdivision was right off of Highway 42, which served a a main trunk road between I-90 and Wabasha and one of the three crossings into Wisconsin.  In other words, it wasn't just local yokels (no offense to my fellow yokels) who were going to witness this gag.  It was travelers possibly from far and wide.

So in the dark of night, the Terrifying Triad loaded up the outhouse to be used, collected the goat from who knows where, and made their way to the first lot in Wood Lawn Estates that abutted Highway 42.  They got the outhouse unloaded and staked the goat to it.  The final flourish that made this escapade different than most was the sign they erected in front of the outhouse and tethered goat:  Wood Lawn Estates Goat Ranch.  They drove away, satisfied with their night's work.

The owner of that lot where the outhouse and goat had been left failed to see the humor of the situation and knew full well who had done it but couldn't prove it, of course.  This made him rather discontent and grumpy.

How do parades play into this, you might ask?  Wait for it, my pretties, wait for it.

Shortly thereafter, it was time for Elgin Cheese Days, the weekend when Elgin's population of 625 exploded with visitors eager for deep fried cheese curds, grilled chicken, and of course, the parade on Sunday afternoon.

The Terrifying Triad all attended the same little country church in Potsdam, and after Sunday services while the kids were in Sunday school, they were in the basement having coffee and cookies with the other men of the congregation.  One guy was talking about the new pickup that he had just picked up from dealer the day before...it didn't even have 100 miles on it yet.

I don't know whose mind first thought up the next scheme because--hey--I was in Sunday School, but by the time we all left church there was a mastermind plan in place to really irritate the Wood Lawn Estates lot owner who'd had an outhouse and goat in his front yard for God and country to see.

The masterpiece plan included:

• The brand new pickup that no one would recognize being driven by an out-of-town visiting relative dressed in a gorilla suit
• A utility trailer with the outhouse on it hiding a boy holding the rope halter for the goat
• Two men dressed as the Goat Queen and the Runner Up
• Two girls dressed as Goat Queen attendants

They got to the parade and got entered last minute as a parade unit.  The side of the pickup was bedecked with a banner proclaiming it to be the Wood Lawn Estates Goat Queen and her court.  The float got lots of laughs because the "queen" was well-known, even in drag, to many of the spectators.  No one knew who was driving the unrecognized pickup thanks to the gorilla costume.  The two girls were just there as window dressing and didn't really have much to do with any of it other than waving to the crowd.  Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist is the proper parade wave, just so you know.  

Then, toward the very end of the parade route, all hell broke loose.  The irritated lot owner saw the float with its sign and its mascot, which was fine.  Then he saw the banner on the back with his home phone number, and THEN he charged the float fully determined to do some physical damage.  The driver quickly locked the doors and rolled up the windows before the irritated lot owner could pull off the face mask of the costume.  

Next the irritated lot owner ran to the back of the float and jumped on the utility trailer, scared the crap out of the goat--quite literally--and proceeded to try and push open the door of the outhouse that was now being held shut by the boy inside bracing his feet against the door.  

The Queen and her runner up jumped out of the bed of the pickup where they'd been riding and one got the irritated lot owner under control while the other one pulled the hitch pin so the driver could escape.  The two girls simply stood in bewilderment as chaos ensued.  In all the confusion, the boy in the outhouse sneaked out and took refuge in a corn field that ran along the street where the float had stopped.  

You can't make this kind of stuff up, but if you don't believe my tale, here is photographic proof. 

The Wood Lawn Estates Goat Queen court

Let's just pause here and admire the brilliance of a group of adult men who not only could come up with that scheme in under 30 minutes after church on a Sunday morning in rural Minnesota but could pull it off so successfully!  And let's applaud them:  well done, Terrifying Triad, well done!

Flashback Friday

I saw a post on Facebook recently that took me back in time to my tween years.  It was a note handwritten on a piece of paper that had then been folded up into a sturdy little triangle.  Once it was all folded up, you could balance it on one of its points with the straight edge facing you and flick it so that it would fly across the room...hopefully to whomever you intended to receive it.

Photo courtesy of Reddit.com

Woe betide the person who aimed poorly and had it land on the teacher's desk!

I also used to know how to fold a piece of paper up into a self-contained rectangular envelope.  My mom taught me how to do that.  Man, she was wicked creative!!  I think she had one of those saved in her 8-ball file so she could always go back and remember how to do it. That original one got discarded in one of Mom's recent moves.  I tried to sit down and figure it out again, but I couldn't for the life of me get it right.  So what does any good American citizen do when she can't remember how to do something from her childhood?

She Googles it!  And, as always, Google provided the answer.  I would never be able to explain it as well as this web page, so I'll just leave this here for you to play with. 

Did anyone else's mom (or dad) have an 8-ball file?  This was a manila folder that was filled with off-color cartoons, really good clean jokes, and weird stuff like the self-contained envelope.  This file was not to be confused with the file folder that held all of the Ann Landers' columns with diatribes against teenage sex, drinking and driving, and rock-n-roll!

Who else knew how to fold up a piece of paper into a little fortune-telling contraption?  Do you remember what I"m talking about?  Better than an 8-ball!  Pretty sure my Mom showed me how to to do that, also.

Photo Courtesy of SkipToMyLou.org

Seriously....she was wicked creative in her day!

She used to help us make book covers out of paper grocery bags (back before the insidious plastic bags).  Even better was when she'd help us make a book cover out of pages from our atlas.  No one else in my classes had book covers as good as mine!

Do kids even use book covers anymore?  Or, I guess the question is, do they even use books or is it all done on iPads and electronic devices?  How sad.

Oh my gosh...this just popped into my head.  Tinker Toys!  Who had tinker toys?  How about a Lite Brite?  I played with my Lite Brite for years!  Oh, oh...Spirograph.  That was the best!!  I actually have the updated version of that in my closet for Cubby to play with when she is just a touch older.

When I was joining my granny square afghan together the other night--or trying to--Captain commented that all that yarn reminded him of playing Cat's Cradle with string as a kid.  Anybody else??

Photo Courtesy of MomsMinivan.com

I don't know if you enjoy being dragged down memory lane with me all the time, but I sure enjoy the stroll!  Cherish your memories, my friends, sometimes it is all that will get you through a bad day.

Blessings!

Wild, Wonderful Weekend

Image courtesy of SpiritButton.com

Oh my goodness, we packed a lot of stuff into our weekend!

Friday morning I met Mama Bear and Cubby at Ag Partners in Pine Island for what is lovingly referred to around here as baby swap.  This just means that Cubby is going to be spending the day with Gammy and I chauffeur her there.  She always has to make the rounds and hug everyone and say goodbye before we can actually leave.  She is such a lover!  I usually have just enough time to get her delivered to Gammy's house and get back to my own house to start working without being late.

I took a mini break part way through my afternoon to go out and watch Captain fly a kite for Cubby's entertainment.  You'd have thought he handed her the moon and stars for how excited she was.  She had to tell me about how she and Gammy filled all the bird feeders, some with seed and some with juice.  I hated to go back inside to work; adulting is so hard sometimes!

My work day was finally over and I headed next door to grab my girl.  Gammy was going out with some friends for the evening, so she was busy getting ready.  She told me that Cubby had been anxiously waiting for me because "Gramma Jude is so excited about our sleep over!"  Which was a true statement.

I got her back to our house, and we lounged and watched My Little Pony episodes on TV while we waited for Captain to finish his chores so we could go grocery shopping.  I had the list ready and once he got cleaned up, off we went.

First we had to stop at a friend's house to pick up a recliner we bought from him.  We fit it in the back of my truck by taking it apart into two pieces.  We chatted a few minutes and then proceeded on to Hy-Vee.

Friends, let me tell you, within ten minutes of being in the store with Cubby, I fully remembered why Captain did all of our grocery shopping back in the day while I stayed home with the kids.  Shopping with a preschooler is exhausting!

It's not that she was naughty, because she wasn't.  It was just being on constant heightened alert to keep her in my line of vision at all times, make sure she didn't throw something in her little cart that I wasn't expecting, and the constant, "No, you don't need that today" conversations.

In my work as a personal shopper for Hy-Vee Aisles On Line, I have to admit that I have been a little bit judgmental about young moms who use the service.  I am here to testify that these customers now have my full and unadulterated sympathy and support.  If this service had been available when I was a young mother--and Captain hadn't been able to fill the role of personal shopper--I totally would have paid the price to take advantage of this perk.  I am quite sure it is a life-saver for those busy moms out there, and I am proud to be a part of it.

Normally I work a shift at Hy-Vee on Friday nights, so being there as a customer on Friday night was a little different for me.  By the time we got all the way through the store over to the frozen section--and I had been talked into buying a Paw Patrol figurine--I made a side comment to one of the front end managers that working would have been less tiring!  You forget how busy preschoolers are!

Luckily we all survived the grocery shopping excursion and made it back home.  Cubby was pretty tired by that time, so I let her have my tablet to watch Paw Patrol Toys while we baked a pizza.  Before the pizza was done, she was in her pajamas and ready for her warm chocolate milk and her bed.

She wasn't completely asleep by the time I called it quits for the day, but Captain was still awake watching TV.  At our house, Cubby sleeps on a crib mattress on the living room floor.  No matter how many times I offer to let her sleep with Gramma in the big queen size bed, she chooses the little bed in the living room.

Turns out Cubby and Grampa had some good snuggle time after I went to bed.  Captain said she spent at least 30 minutes honking his nose, and then she was trying to eat her own toes.  Eventually she hopped off Grampa's lap and cuddled back up on her bed and went to sleep.

All I know is that before 7 a.m. on Saturday, I had a Grampa, a Cubby, and a Chewy come charging into the bedroom to wake Gramma up.  Folks, Gramma needs a lot more coffee before she is ready to face this horde!  So rambunctious and happy!

Captain ran a couple of quick errands before the crappy weather set in and by the time it started snowing, he was ready to tackle his weekend project of fixing the dishwasher.  It hasn't been getting the dishes clean...at all...for the last three uses.  I finally realized that the spray arms weren't spinning at all, so the dishwasher was filling with water, sitting there with water not moving, and then draining water.

So I went to my trusty resource, Google, and searched "why aren't the spray arms spinning in my dishwasher" and Google informed me that the pump was probably clogged and not able to build up enough pressure to force water up into the spray arms to make them spin.  There was a very helpful video about how to correct the problem, so I bookmarked that for Captain to watch.

After he watched the video, he unscrews everything he needs to unscrew, unplugs wires that would cause electrical shock if left plugged in, and pulls the dishwasher right out from under the counter into the middle of the kitchen floor.

Can we just saw eeeeuuuwww the floor where the dishwasher set was gross, so it got a good scrubbing.  While I was doing that, I was hearing  a lot of muttering and cursing going on behind me.  Pretty soon he got up and went back to the computer to rewatch the video.  This is never a good sign.

When a simple fix becomes the repair job from hell

Sure enough, what should have been a five minute fix turned into a three-hour debacle.  The video said some part could be detached, and on our model it turned out it couldn't be detached.  Back to the video again.  I was done scrubbing the floor, so I went into the living room to hide out with my crochet while Cubby watched a movie.

Pretty soon I heard the dishwasher being slid back into place under the counter and turned on.  I asked--as any wife will do--if all the hoses were hooked back up and was informed that of course they were, he knew what he was doing.  Okay, bud.

Ten minutes later, Cubby went to the office ask Grampa something, and she came back to the living room to tell me, "Gramma, there is a chunk of water on the floor."  First my mind thought "ice cube" which didn't make sense because we don't have ice cubes in this house.

So I went to see what she meant and discovered not a chunk of water but a lake of water in my kitchen.  Much yelling, running for towels, and sopping up water.

Well that didn't go as planned!

Huhn...turns out one of the hoses wasn't hooked up.  Whoda thunk it?!

After getting most of the wet sopped up, Cubby and I left Captain to finish hooking up the hose, and we went to see Gammy.  After telling me all morning that she wasn't hungry and didn't want the blueberries or the pineapple we'd bought for her, Cubby told Gammy she was starving and proceeded to eat a cup full of pineapple and some ham that Gammy was cutting up for scalloped potatoes.  Goofy kid.

We visited awhile and headed back home.  I walked into the kitchen and the dishwasher was making horrid noises...not what it normally sounds like.  So there was much more yelling and running for screwdrivers and pliers.  Turns out after turning off the water valve in order to hook the hose up, the water valve hadn't gotten turned back on. 

I am happy to report, however, that after all of that hassle and mess, the dishwasher is now working properly!  Which is great because I didn't want to spend the little bit of savings I have built up on a new dishwasher.

Got some leftover parts but got a dishwasher that works!

Shortly after that, Young Man and Mama Bear arrived to pick up Cubby and Chewy.  They stayed and visited for over an hour which was nice because we don't always have a chance to visit with them as much as we'd like.  Everybody is so busy!

After they left, I made caramel rolls to take to Hy-Vee the next morning.  Apparently I started a "thing" back on my birthday when I took in a birthday cake.  The next Sunday it was monster cookies, then snickerdoodles...you get where this is going, right?  Now if I come in to work on Sunday morning without treats, I am shunned. 

I had an hour to decompress in my "new" recliner with my tablet and Best Fiends before getting ready for church.  We picked Gammy up on the way and headed for St. Pius.  For whatever reason, church was packed, and we ended up in the balcony in folding chairs.  It was still a good mass.  I love Father Russ's sermons.  Short, sweet, and applicable to my life.  That's what I want out of mass!

We took the scenic route home and had a nice visit with Gammy.  We got her dropped back off at home and headed home ourselves.  This time when I plunked in my recliner, I was wearing pajamas and slippers.  I was DONE with the day!  Not done enough to not crochet, though, so I worked on a couple of the projects I have going before heading to bed.

Sunday morning I was at Hy-Vee at 6 a.m. with caramel rolls in hand.  Turns out I had to open Aisles On Line for the first time by myself, and while I didn't do a stellar job, I didn't break anything either.  I worked until 11 a.m. and then zipped home.  I opened the back door, and a waft of Pine-Sol greeted me, so I stopped quick before I tracked mud in on the freshly mopped floor!  Yes, that sweet man of mine had vacuumed and mopped the entry way, kitchen, and dining room and was washing the stove when I came in.  Am I a lucky gal or what?!?!

Since he had most of the cleaning done, we decided to run into Pine Island for the Fire Department's spaghetti feed.  Great food and got to see some neighbors to visit with.  When we left there, we had the bulk of the day still ahead of us so we did something we haven't done in over a year.  We went on a ramble.  At this point, I regretted my decision not to bring my phone along with me because I couldn't take any pictures.  Oh well.

Red Wing was our ultimate destination, but we took the scenic route again, mostly so Captain could see if anyone was working in the fields.  Turns out...no, they weren't.  It's too wet yet.

We drove up through Mazeppa, Oak Center, and Lake City.  It was odd not seeing barges out on Pepin, but they aren't being let through the lock and dam locations south of here due to high water levels.

Outside of Lake City, we went to Frontenac State Park.  This park holds a special place in our hearts because it is where we had our last "normal" day before I was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple of years ago.  We did some hiking on the trails but didn't attempt the 400-foot drop to the lake shore.  We did that once with the kids when we camped there years ago, and that was enough for me!

From Frontenac we drove to Red Wing where we strolled through the Red Wing Boot Store, Duluth Trading Company, and went down to the Visitor Center and finally a stroll along the promenade in Levee Park.

The thing I like most about our rambles is that I always, always learn something.  This time, while strolling through Levee Park, I stopped to read the historical marker about the Sea Wing disaster, of which I had known nothing previously.

Image courtesty of MinnPost.com

By then it was time to be heading home because there were calves that were hungry.  Once we got home, the last activity of the day was to go to the garden and check on the asparagus.  Yep, it's coming up!  I cannot begin to explain how excited I am about that.  I hated asparagus as a kid, but as an adult....mmmm, ymmy!

Friends, I realize this was a super long post, but I am glad to be able to share part of our lives with you.  Mostly because when I learn something, like that Sea Wing thing, I like to share!

Have a glorious week, pals of mine!