Letters From Home

My dad has been on my mind a lot lately.  Part of that is because Memorial Day is coming up and next to Groundhog Day, this was his favorite holiday.  It was a Big Hairy Deal to visit the cemeteries when I was a kid.  

I’ve written before about how we would take flowers to my mom’s dad and my dad’s parents.Mom took over putting flowers out for Grampa and Gramma Brehmer when Dad died.  Now with Mom moved to Wisconsin, for the first time in my life it is going to be my job to put the flowers there.

I don’t know why that’s freaking me out so badly.  I’ve put the veteran’s flag out for Dad for 13 years now; why would flowers be any different.  I can’t say, but for whatever reason, my subconscious is flipping its cookies over this.

Because Dad is on my mind, I went back to the stack of letters Dad had from his stint in the Army (hence the veteran’s flag), both those he wrote home and those written to him from home.

I found one his sister, Shirley, and brother-in-law, Roger, wrote to him in January of 1958 that just struck me as lovely:

Dear Brother Foot,

Sure is nice your making Sargent.  Guess they know a good man when they see one!!  Best part of it is you get discharged pretty soon and can come home and brag about it, huh?

Things are fine here--your little niece* is lying in her bassinet (she’s almost too big for it) telling us what to write.  Gosh, she’s going to be half grown when you get home.  She weighed 16 pounds, 9 ounces last time I took her to the doctor.  She doesn’t quite sit up by herself yet--but she likes to sit in the chair propped up.  Guess I better go feed her pretty soon so we can go to bed.

What did you do New Year’s Eve?  Remember last year--in the Gasthaus next door.  Sure was fun bringing in the New Year German style.  This year, Dorothy and Kenny Prigge came down and then we went to Lake City to The Terrace and had supper and danced, etc. and when we got home, none of us were tired, and Rog was still going strong, so we didn’t go to bed until 4:30.  Dawn, of course, woke up early that morning, so I got up about seven.  Dorothy and Ken stayed overnight and for dinner the next day and went back to Rochester about 4 in the afternoon.

We got a letter from Marv** today, and it sounds like he is getting around quite a lot.  

I’d better close now and feed this hungry baby.  Take it easy now, and we’ll be seeing you.

Love,

Shirley

P.S. That beer mug for Rog has to be about half as tall as you are--a real German one!

P.P.S.  If you haven’t already gotten the tablecloth, don’t bother.  Oh yes, you can send one color figured one for Dorothy.  Thanks so much for the pretty one you sent us.  

From Roger:

Dear Sgt,

Congratulations on all the rank.  That will give us something else to celebrate when you get home.  You’re the only guy I ever heard of making Sgt in only two years and best of all [illegible writing].

I’m glad I don’t have to take orders from you because I’ll bet that you’re a hardass.

Not too much going on around here.  We had a good Christmas and New Year.  Work is about the same as usual.  We are remodeling the Valensia now--a furniture store is moving in there.  They have put an addition on the Plamore too on the west side.  We haven’t been there so don’t know what it looks like.  

Good news, the neighbor girl and her boyfriend broke up.  Guess he heard that you were coming home.  I wonder if it was Blackberry Brandy that caused it.  I know that can do it.  

I was  surprised to hear you can buy all that stuff for us at the PX.  I hope you got a real big beer stein.  The one I want is about 2-½ or 3 feet high and holds 5 liters of beer.  If you get one, I’ll see that you get it full of beer when you get home.

Love,

Rog

*My cousin, Dawn

**Dad and Shirley’s brother, served in the Marines

Reading these letters makes me wish people did more letter writing today instead of emailing and texting.  Even phone calls aren’t the same as getting a tangible piece of paper in your mailbox that you can save and look at even 61 years later.

I am not normally a “saver.”  My inclination is to throw stuff away, but I would fight someone tooth and nail to keep these letters.  Yes, they take up space in my file drawer and, yes, someday my children are going to find them and toss them away because they will mean nothing to them.  That’s all okay because they mean a lot to me to have these pieces of my family history.  

Images used:
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For Better or Worser

I am enjoying a day off today, which is good because Captain and I had a rather late night waxing philosophical on the deck last night.  Now that it is warming up finally, this will be our evening ritual until October.  

Anyhoo, Captain had read/seen/heard during the course of his day some divorce statistic, and as he’d had an extra beer or two last night while I was in Rochester shopping, he was extra philosophical.

The crux of his question was:  why do some couples (such as ourselves) stay married when others don’t.  

I can’t speak for other couples, but in our world, since neither one of us is dead yet, we will stay married.  That is an oversimplification, but that’s the nutshell.  We made vows, which are bigger than a promise, to stick it out through sickness, poverty, and the worst conditions that we would face.

Trust me when I say, our marriage has not been all unicorns and rainbows.  There have been times when we go consecutive days without speaking and harboring intense resentment toward each other.  But we stick.  That’s what you do after you say those vows.

One of the things we liked to joke about when the kids were still home was that if someone wanted to leave the marriage...they had to take the kids.  Now that they are gone, the line has changed to whoever wants to leave has to take the dogs.  So it’s still a good reason to stay.

Are we the same people we were when we made those vows?  Absolutely not.  Life experiences--some good, some horrid--have shaped us into new and different people.  Lucky for us, the new people still love and respect each other on most days.  

I’m not saying that there is never a good reason to dissolve a marriage; there are several extremely valid reasons to do so.  Quirks and personality choices--like not putting dirty clothes in the hamper or not making the bed--are not valid choices in Brogan world.  Infidelity or abuse would be about the only two reasons.

Personally, I think a good sense of humor is absolutely essential.  I can be as mad as hops at Captain, and he will make some oddball comment that makes me giggle...and things settle back to normal.

The one he says most often when I am in a snit of some sort is, “You said for better or worser...you just didn’t know it would be this worser, did you?”  It invariably makes me smile so that we can continue on for another day.

To anyone who is celebrating a wedding anniversary soon, Congratulations!  Here’s to many more happy years to you, even when it might be worser.  

Images used:
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