Cart Ahead of the Horse

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Remember a year or two, or maybe three, ago when I got all hopped up about genealogy and family trees?  I was so excited at that time when I found a family tree builder website with associated search engines to trace public records, etc., that I just started throwing people on my family tree all willy nilly until suddenly I had almost 3000 people!

That was so overwhelming when I created a family book with all those people in PDF form that I saved it and walked away for awhile because my brain was exploding.  This is actually typical behavior for me and my ADHD brain....jump in, get overwhelmed, abandon.  Like my husband when he starts assembling something without reading the directions first.  

I really do want to get this genealogy research organized, not only for my own benefit and information but for the cousins I am discovering along the way.  Therefore, I went to the ever reliable YouTube and searched "genealogy tips" so I could learn from subject matter experts.  Side note...that search will also make your brain explode because there are thousands of videos!  

I finally found one Amy Johnson who dumbed it all down enough to my level, and through her wisdom I realized that I put the whole grove of family trees into one Tree of Life that was entirely too unwieldy to be of any practical use.  I needed to break the great big tree down into smaller saplings.  I'm here to tell you, it is a helluva lot easier and faster to add people to your family tree builder than it is to remove them!  

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I started with the Prokasky sapling because I have recently re-connected with some Prokasky cousins and have planned a Prokasky family reunion.  I think the last one was just after Captain and I got married, so that's 35-ish years ago.  

I got all of the Prokasky relatives removed from the Brehmer (and everybody else) tree onto their own tree and ended up with 137 entries.  I'm missing a lot but for now, that's manageable, and I was able to create a very nice genealogy print out of those people that I can now share with my cousins at the reunion.  

I am now working on removing all of the Benike relations (my dad's mom's family) from the Brehmer tree and will re-create a Benike tree.  This will also include  the surnames of Schwanke, Laabs, Rabine, and Schacht for starters.  So. Many. People!!

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I have started reaching out to people I think may have documents or records that will add to my research, so if I show up on your doorstep someday...don't be surprised!

It's A Small World

 

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I literally had my mind blown last night.  It was a ride on Ozzie's Crazy Train!

As you know, I take care of placing flags on the veterans' graves at St. Michaels Cemetery in rural New Haven township.  I always take Cubby to help me place the flags, but I usually just pick them up myself on my way to or from Pine Island.  

I was going by last night and stopped to gather them up, and at one particular headstone I happened to actually read the name...Howard Bernard Shay...and I stopped dead in my tracks.  

I knew that name, and not just from placing and removing a Memorial Day flag at his stone every year.  

I had seen that name in the family tree I am building online for my mom's dad's family, the Prokasky clan.  I was sure that was the name that I had entered into the tree.  Why had I not made this connection before?!  I told myself I must be wrong.

Nope.  When I pulled up the family tree app on my phone (isn't technology great?), I sure enough found Howard Bernard Shay right there on the Prokasky tree, the first husband to my mother's cousin, Gretta Mae.  Holy small world, batman!

Since some close friends of ours live right down the road from St. Michaels Cemetery, I stopped by to visit them for a bit.  I was telling them about this, and Keith proceeded to tell me that Howard Bernard Shay was a BFD in downtown Pine Island back in the day and that there was even a building on main street named the Shay Building.  

Are you freaking kidding me?!  How stupendously awesome is that??

This...THIS...is why I so much enjoy the genealogy research that I've started doing.  It's also why I kick myself for not asking questions and connecting with family long before now.  

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Six_degrees_of_
separation_diagram.png

For those of us old enough (and we're back to the Generation Gap, eh?) to remember Kevin Bacon's theory of six degrees of separation, doesn't it give you the shivers just a little bit to realize how closely we are all entwined?  

That leads me to the other thought I want to leave with you that I was reminded of, not only by my headstone discovery, but more by my visit with Keith and AJ.  

Hug your kids.  Tell your parents you love them.  Appreciate the people who love you.  Because we are all bound together and need to support and care for each other every single day.  Because it might be the last time you see someone.

God bless you, my family-by-heart!

Generation Gap

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Has anyone else been following any of the social media reels and/or videos about the generation wars?  First off, why do we need to be fighting amongst ourselves; but that's a topic for another day.

What appears to be happening is that some members of Gen Z (born between 1997 and 2012) are antagonizing members of Gen X (born between 1965 and 1980).  In particular, a Gen Z girl posted a reel saying that Gen X was "the worst generation."  

This triggered a multitude of Gen X social media influencers (John Kotrides, The Real Slim Sheri, Graeson McGaha, etc.) to respond with reasons why Gen X people are the way we are.  Raise your hand if any of the following create a wave of nostalgia or a surge of PTSD in your heart:

• Goonies
• Walkman
• Dodgeball
• Bike ramps made of cinder blocks and scrap lumber (with no helmets)
• The Merry Go Round (not the carnival ride)
• Babysitting by age 10
• Buying cigarettes for your parent(s)
• Saturday morning cartoons
• Bugs Bunny
• Scooby Doo
• The Grape Ape
• Johnny Quest
• Speed Buggy
• Popeye
• Red Rover
• Schoolhouse Rock
• Conjunction Junction
• I'm Just a Bill
• See-Saws
• Metal Slides (bonus points for a tornado slide)
• Heads Up 7-Up
• After School Specials

How many of you ever heard at least one of these from your parents:

• Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about
• Walk it off
• Rub some dirt in it
• I brought you into this world, I can take you out of it
• If your friends all jumped off a bridge, would you do that too?
• Don't come in until dark

Wow, that was a nice little trip down memory lane, wasn't it?

I am young enough to remember when I thought 40 was old, and now I find myself at age 57 thinking that 40 is young.  Anybody with me?

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This came home to me soundly when I started working part-time at our local Fareway Meat & Grocery store.  Like most grocery stores, there are a lot of teenagers employed at Fareway.  I work one evening per week and Saturday mornings.  Particularly on the week nights, I find myself to be the oldest person on the payroll.  So much so that I have been dubbed Mother Fareway by my younger coworkers.  

I cannot count the times when I have said something that another Gen X'er would either laugh with me or cry with me about, but from my Gen Z coworkers I get blank looks.  Let me elucidate:

• Book covers
• Paul Revere
• Manual transmission
• Floppy disks
• Cursive
• Passing notes in class
• Pay phones
• Cigarette Machines
• Road atlas
• Disposable cameras

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Then again, there was one time when I was shocked by someone from the generation before me:

Me:    Your total is $19.88....hey, 1988, that's the year I got married!

Customer:    Then you're just a newlywed

Me:    Okay...we'll be married 36 years in September.

Customer:    My husband and I have been married 65 years, how about that?

Me:    That's amazing!  I hope we last that long.

Customer:  I never thought he'd live this long...

Me:    ...???...

Customer:    Have a nice day!

Me:    What the hell??

To go back to the social media generation war, what I've decided is that the Gen Z influencers are not indicative of their entire generation.  Not all Gen Z's are entitled, lazy, self-centered or whatever negative label chosen to be assigned to them.  

However, I am pretty sure the Gen X influencers are, in fact, indicative of their entire demographic group:  strong work ethic, don't care what others think about them, don't really talk about their feelings, and loyal.

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Oh yeah, and HAD THE BEST DANG MUSIC E-V-E-R!!

• Under Pressure
• Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
• Don't Stop Believing
• Now I'm a Believer
• Sweet Caroline
• Danger Zone
• Living on a Prayer
• Walk This Way
• I Love Rock-N-Roll
• Mony Mony

Well okay, I've had a good enough trip down memory lane; I need to go take my Geri-Tol now.  And THERE...that's another one that the young whippersnappers at Fareway didn't know!!

Writers of the Round Table

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I was recently invited by Rachel Gray, Director of the Van Horn Public Library in Pine Island, to participate in a panel of local authors as part of the One Town, One Title program through the library.  

On February 5, four other authors and myself spoke to a small audience in the high school forum room.  For Pine Island old-timers such as Captain, this has previously been referred to as The Box, The Square Gym, or The Small Gym.  Currently, it's a very nice, intimate auditorium arrangement with comfortable tables and chairs.  

One of the questions we were asked, as authors, was what our writing process was.  It was interesting to listen to all of the different approaches each author took. 

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Kate Laack, a young English teacher at Pine Island High School, who has a novel, In The Shade of Olive Trees, that has been published through the traditional method of getting an agent and then a publisher and on down the line to being on the shelves at Barnes & Noble.  While not truly a structure process, there was a method to how she approached it.

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Ginny Graham, a retired widow, wrote her novel, Wisteria, to help other women deal with grief and the loss of a partner or spouse.  Ginny and her husband owned and operated the Wanamingo Meats and Catering business for decades, and she brought the experiences she'd had running that business to her main character, who runs a flower shop.  Again, not completely structured but not loosey-goosey either. 

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Catherine Eayrs, a retired PIHS English teacher, told how she spent years meticulously researching her non-fiction book The Berne Church:  Rooted and Grounded In Love is an in-depth look at the impact of Swiss immigrants to the the rural farming community west of Pine Island and the rich heritage that they brought with them and continue to honor.  Because she had so many historical facts that needed to be arranged chronologically, she followed an outline for her writing in order to keep it organized and logical.  

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Cheryl Finnegan's book, Everyday Heroes:  Stories of Pine Island, is a collection of interviews she conducted during her many years as a reporter for the News-Record.  The interviews themselves had been researched and fact-checked, obviously, and putting them together in the book required reaching out to the newspaper for permission to print them, as the copyrights of the original articles belonged to the publication instead of Cheryl.  

Then there is me.  I have no writing process.  Mostly, I just wait until Captain or I have something blog-worthy happen and then put it out there.  Whatever is in my head comes out my fingers with very little conscious thought about it.  It's like throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping it sticks.  However, that was my intent when I started this blog.  I very much wanted it to feel like two friends having a nice conversation over coffee, wine, or the beverage of choice.  Every so often, I pull 40 of the blog posts together, toss them into one big document, slap a family picture on the front and call it good.  Since I'm not in it for the money, this process works well for me.  

I know how much I have appreciate the support that I have gotten from friends, neighbors, and coworkers.  I would like to ask you to kindly show these fellow authors some love and support too.  I purchased a copy of Cheryl Finnegan's book at the event Monday night, and I have orders in for the other three books and am looking forward to some very enjoyable reading in the weeks ahead!

Just A Closer Walk With Thee

 

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One of the things I want to do better starting this year is daily prayer.  Don't get me wrong, I've always tried to chat with God at the end of the day, but lately it seemed like it was so...routine.  Same thing everyday and very rote.

I have never been able to pray out loud very well.  I just think I sound stupid.  Which is, well, stupid.  God doesn't care how I sound, He just wants to hear from me and know that I am in a relationship with Him. 

I've tried those prayer-a-day calendar things or the daily meditation book or whatever.  I either end up 10 days behind or I lose the book or something.  

Then the other day at mass, the priest was talking about reading the bible and how hard that is for people.  True statement.  He mentioned a bible study podcast that he found particularly helpful and gave the name of that for our reference. 

This got me to thinking that there must be a daily meditation podcast out there somewhere that I could listen to.  Turns out, there there is a plethora of them to choose from!  

The one I finally settled on is called Your Daily Prayer and is hosted by a group of women who have a daily devotional and prayer to "help you start your day in conversation with God."  I found this on the Podcast App in the Google Play Store, but I'm guessing it's available on other podcast providers as well, or you can go to their website at www.ibelieve.com and check it out there.  

This morning's devotional hit me right between the eyes.  It's about loving the unlovable people in your life.  I struggle with this frequently.  As much as I try to be nonjudgmental and inclusive, I have a hard time interacting with people who annoy me.  To compound this problem, even if I don't say the very nasty words that are in my head, they show up on my face anyway.  Hence, conflict.

The devotional today cited I John 4:7 Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God; everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

This theme of loving those we don't want to appears in other chapters of the New Testament as well such as Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven, for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous."

I know this and I still struggle because...hey...I am human.  So the words of today's devotional really hit me.

Lord, thank you for loving us when we were unlovable.  While we were sinners, you died for us.  We have offended you deeply yet you love us still.  So much so that you gave your life in our place and defeated death so that we could live with you forever in eternity.  Lord, I admit that type of love doesn't come easily to me.  The last thing I want to do when someone offends me or upsets me is to love them much less invite them to join my family forever.  But that's exactly what you did.  Lord, forgive me for not loving others the way you showed us to love.  God, would you help us to love you and grow in the knowledge of you in your word?  Would you help us relate to others in a way that shows them that we belong to you?  Lord, would you make your people grow in love for you and others so that onlookers would know that you exist and that you love them too?  God, would you forgive us when we allow petty annoyances to distract us and make us forget the good news of the gospels and our role as your ambassadors.  Holy Spirit, would you convict us when we overreact to the shortcomings of others.  Would you strengthen and equip us to love others well.  Thank you that this is possible because you loved us and love comes from you.  In Jesus' name, Amen.  

I hope that sharing my struggle with this duty of loving others as God loves us might help anyone else who struggles with it as well.  Let's all prayer for each other, my friends!

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Where Everybody Knows Your Name

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We spent a pleasant evening last night hanging out at the local watering hole with Bigger and his friend, our camping friends, and childhood friends who were providing live music.

This brought back memories from when I was a kid and Dad had to run errands in Elgin or Plainview.  If one of us kids got to go along, we knew there was going to be a stop at the local watering hole which meant a glass of pop for us...a very rare treat back then.  

The live music also brought back so many memories of our dating years when that what we did every weekend.  There was always at least one venue nearby that had live music and generally all or most of our social circle would end up in the same place at the same time.  Ahh, the good old days!

Because we were at the local watering hole, we also ran into some acquaintances that we haven't seen in months or years.  One of them was the young man and his who just built a new house down the road from us.  They'd left their toddler with grandma and came out for some adult conversation.  I remember those days too!

This particular establishment used to be a prime destination.  I remember my parents talking about going there for shenanigans back in their day.  Unfortunately, about the time I migrated to the neighborhood, it took a dive and became...well...a dive.  For 30 years, I wouldn't set foot in the place unless I had an entourage of my guys with me for protection.

I don't say that to be snide; just to provide the background for how the next generation running it have made significant efforts to turn its reputation around...such as bringing back live music on Saturday nights. 

 

I'm really glad that we had a chance to see the new and improved approach to public relations for several reasons.  First, we always love to see a local, independent business doing well.  It's just plain good for the entire community.  Second, it's nice to know there is a clean, well-run, local watering hole where we could just stop in for a pint on the spur of a moment and likely spend an hour or more chatting with people with know who were doing the same thing. 

So here's to the Douglas Saloon and Social and Social Club and the band Warrior Revival who helped us have a very enjoyable evening out!

Be Careful What You Wish For

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In this season of wishing for things, I am reminded that it pays to be careful what you wish for. My Christmas this year will be overshadowed by a surgical procedure to replace my breast implants because of scar tissue that caused one to flip backwards. No snickers from the peanut gallery please!

The reason I opened with being careful what you wish for is that for most of my adult life, I wished I had a bigger bra size.  In fact, I remember when I first started working at Mayo Clinic as a surgical recorder in Dermatology Surgery, I jokingly asked one of the surgeons why I could have the fat sucked out of my belly and injected into my boobs, effectively solving two problems at one time.  He answered me seriously that it wasn't possible because belly fat and boob fat were not compatible and would not work.  That was 1995.

Fast forward to 2017 when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  Lo and behold, one of the reconstructions options was--get this--fat grafting; basically the same thing I had asked about back in 1995!  I declined this option in 2017 because it sounded a little too involved and complicated for me.  

Fast forward again to 2023.  I had my preoperative appointment with my surgeon yesterday, and he said that exchanging my defective implants with newer, better ones that (1) are more resistant to scar tissue formation and (2) significantly less likely to flip was the plan.  I said I was fine with that.  

He went on to say that he could augment the effects of the implants with some minor fat grafting.  I think it was a nice way of saying he could make my middle-aged figure look a little bit...perkier.  Sure, I am game for that this time around.  

So it occurred to me that I was getting what I had wanted for so long.  I just had to get breast cancer to do it.  Let me interject here that my breast cancer journey was infinitely less traumatic than most women.  I didn't have to have chemotherapy or radiation or hormone therapy, so I praise God for that.  

The other eventful thing happening in Brogan world in the near future is a kitchen remodel project.  I have been dreaming of this for seven years now and am so excited that I'm finally getting my wish.

I only had to lose my mom and receive an inheritance to get it.  Again, be careful what you wish for.  I know Mom would be happy that this is happening; I remember how happy she was when she remodeled her kitchen.  I just wish...maybe I shouldn't do that, but I wish she was here to see it.  

Then I remember that those who have passed are never really gone as long as we remember them.  I remembered my mom and channeled my inner Max to help Captain solve a fix-it issue.  The auger on his whole corn bulk bin got a hole in it so that corn dribbles out on the ground when Captain runs the auger.  

This brought back memories of my childhood and filling the feed chutes for the milking parlor.  Mom was in charge of filling these hoppers during each milking.  The "feed room" was in the loft above the parlor.  There was a small Harvestor silo with high moisture corn that got augered up to the feed room, run through a roller mill to crush it, and then it was augered across the feed room to three hoppers above each of the three feed chutes for the stalls in the parlor.  This cross auger had three holes cut in it above each of the hoppers.    

Let me say here that my mom was our very own MacGyver in a skirt.  Give her bubble gum, baling wire, duck tape, and/or WD40, and she could fix just about anything.  Remind me to tell you sometime about how she fixed the baler timing mechanism when Dad couldn't figure it out.  

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But I digress.

So Mom needed a way to block the corn to any given hopper so that the corn would travel to the next available hopper.  It didn't take her long to come up with a solution.  She raided her coffee can collection for two coffee cans.  She cut out the bottoms of the cans and then used the tin snips to cut the can so that it could be snugged around the auger.  She tightened the coffee can to the auger with some good old baling wire (didn't I tell you!!).  This was, she could simply slide the coffee can over the hole in the auger without endanger her fingers.  So smart!

I won't say that I wish I could see Mom again because that would require my death and I'm not ready for that yet.  I will just say that I will be glad to see her again when the time comes.  

Don't wish your lives away, my friends.  Be present in your present and be grateful for everything that is good and right in your world.

Merry Christmas and God bless you!

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