We aren’t fast food customers as a rule, but if for one reason or another we need to patronize one of the national chains, we like to choose Wendy’s. This is in no way a negative comment on any of the other fast food chains, but Wendy’s supports adoption, and we are strong advocates of that.
My two brothers and I were all adopted (separately from different families) at very young ages. This was never a secret or an issue in our house. We all knew it and accepted it as normal. So normal, in fact, that I have had to re-do family history forms at the clinic because I forget that my parents and siblings aren’t blood relatives.
Amazingly, in the little country church where we grew up that had maybe 20 families attend--and if we had 60 people in church on any given Sunday, we were crowded--ours was not the only family who adopted children. Two other families also did so. I’m not a statistician, but that seems like a higher percentage than one would assume. Nonetheless, all of us/them knew about our adoptions and were okay with that.
Conversely, Captain comes from a family with no experience with adoption at all. That isn’t a bad thing, it is just different than my experience. It puzzles him that I have no interest—in fact, an intense disinterest—in finding my biologic family. Enough of a disinterest, actually, that I actively avoid Itasca State Park because that’s the area where I was born, and I don’t want to be walking down the streets of Park Rapids and run into somebody who looks an awful lot like me. Awkward!!
It’s not that I may or may not like my biologic family; I can’t judge that without knowing them. But knowing enough of the situation surrounding my adoption, which I will not share—sorry—there is no way I would deliberately and knowingly open that can of worms up for any reason. I have a family, and that’s enough for me.
Keeping the adoption tradition alive and well in our family, Baby Brother and his wife adopted a little girl, and Big Brother’s wife had two adopted children from her first marriage. Again, I’m not a statistician, but that’s a lot of adoption in one 5-person nuclear family unit. And good for us, I say!!
Captain and I did not have to entertain the idea of adoption at all, but if we had been faced with that decision, I don’t think it would have been a big issue.
I am a firm believer--DUH--that family isn’t always about blood. More often, it is about heart. I was blessed with two brothers and no sisters, but I have several friends whom I call my sister-by-heart. Captain was blessed with two younger brothers, one of whom died young, but he has several friends who stand in as older brothers to him. We also lost Captain’s dad young, and there are others who stepped in as a father figure to Captain. In turn, Captain has fulfilled the father-figure role for young men that we know, and I have several ladies for whom I think I stand as an older sister.
One of Captain’s brothers-by-heart married much later in life than we did. For a long time, our kids were stand-in grandchildren for his parents, and Young Man and Princess called them Nana and Papa. Even to this day, when Nana and Papa have their own grandchildren, our kids still call them Nana and Papa. The two families that we have been closest to since all our kids were babies are family to us, and our kids refer to them as aunts, uncles, and cousins.
Speaking of cousins, I had those but not many of the girl variety. The cousins that I mostly spent time with all had a Y chromosome. Still, I remember some good times with two of my girl cousins, Becky and Jennifer. I went and stayed at their house once for an Elgin Watchmen football game...maybe homecoming? I went to Valleyfair with their youth group once. That was the day I tripped over a flower bed edging (railroad tie) and gashed my leg because I was looking back at some cute boy I had seen...call me Grace. Jennifer came and stayed with us while Mom and Dad took a long weekend to Nashville with some friends. If I remember right, she made us go to church even though we thought we could skip it. Harsh! However, she still likes to talk about the rousing game of Twister we had during that weekend. Becky, being of beautiful voice, sang at our wedding and did a whiz-bang job of it, too, I might add.
In contrast, our kids spent nearly every day with their Brogan cousins, simply because they were all in and around the farm every day. The stories these kids tell of their exploits every time we get together is hilarious, even though we have heard most of them dozens of times. The great thing is, they are still making memories together which just warms my heart!
Young Man was in the same situation I was in because he was surrounded by XX chromosomes, but he was enough older that by the time the girls were old enough to play outside unsupervised for short periods of time, he was busy farming with Grampa Jim and Captain. The girls, I can safely say, will maintain a close relationship forever.
Our kids still see their Brehmer cousins at holidays and other milestone events. In years past, they all got together once during the summer for what came to be called Grandkids Weekend when they would all descend on my mom’s house for a sleep over. Big Brother and his family included them in an annual Valleyfair trip for several summers as well. Young Man’s first long-distance overnight excursion was to Baby Brother’s house in Stillwater to go skiing. Young Man was 3 years old at the time...that’s a brave Baby Brother!
What’s the saying…it’s takes a village? We are family? Father Abraham had many sons (and daughters), and I am one of them? There is truth in that. Families by blood are a strong and vital part of our lives, but the families by heart are just as strong and necessary.
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