Even Keel

Hello, friends!  

I realize it has been a very long time since I've posted anything.  Life has been...let's just say...beyond crazy for the last weeks and months.  

For part of that time, I found myself in a dark place.  This is uncharted territory for me as it has always been a point of pride--smugness--that I could handle whatever life threw at me with the grace of God and supportive family and friends.  

Turns out I was wrong.  Oh, I still had God, family, and friends on my side.  I needed more.

Apparently one person can only take so much crap thrown at them before there is a breaking point.  Or at least a crack in the foundation.

The cumulative stress of being treated for (and cured of...YAY) breast cancer, another dismal year in the farm economy, major surgery for Captain, and extended cold snaps beat me down enough that it affected my health by way of ulcer-type stomach symptoms.  

That's easy enough to treat, right?  They have all kinds of medicine for that.  So I started taking it.  Two weeks later when it was no better I finally made an appointment with my family doctor to talk about treatment for depression.  I'm not ashamed of having to take medication for this, but I'm not totally comfortable with it yet, either.

Meanwhile, for the stomach issues, I made major diet and lifestyle changes.  Folks, I haven't had any coffee--none--in three weeks.  Actually, make that I haven't had any caffeine of any sort in that amount of time.  I don't eat anything with tomatoes in it.  I've been eating a lot of scrambled eggs, peanut butter sandwiches, and any sort of chicken soup or entree.  I've even resorted to Ensure drinks to make certain I am getting enough protein.  

I also started using essential oils (peppermint) as a topical rub and aromatherapy in a diffuser to try and combat the stomach stuff.  I sleep with four pillows behind me...so basically sitting up in bed.  

When I had my implant exchange surgery I thought that would relieve some stress.  Nope.  Now I was having increased anxiety with ridiculous and illogical thought processes.  

Back to the family doctor for a follow-up.  He assured us that after a negative abdominal CT scan, H. Pylori test, and EKG/Holter monitor testing the most likely cause for the stomach issues was situational stress, depression, and anxiety.  He adjusted the medication dosage, and we'll see how that goes for the next little while.  

I said I wasn't ashamed of having to take medication, and I'm not.  I'm--what's a less harsh word than ashamed--that I got knocked off my even keel and have actually been sort of wallowing in victim mode for a few weeks.  

I don't like that.  At all.  

So I'd ask you, dear friends, to pray for me.   That God heals me and makes me whole again.  Or, if that's not the plan, that God gives me the strength and courage to find ways to manage these health issues and not fall into whiny butt victim mode.  

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