Time Travel

The other night I was watching a Bones re-run on Netflix and it was about time travel.  Each character, at various points throughout the episode, said which moment they would revisit in their past.  

It got me to thinking because we all have moments that were so momentous and so awesome that a re-do would be a gift.

And we all have moments that, with the asset of hindsight, we would like to erase or do differently.

It got me to thinking about which moment in time I would go back to.

I might choose to go back to the day my children were born.  They were days of such extreme joy and...potential.  If I could look at them then knowing what wonderful people they would turn out to be, it would increase that joy a hundredfold.

Or I would go back to the day I realized that Captain was THE ONE so I could hold all that hope and anticipation close for one more day.

Or hey, I’d go back to the day I took my driver’s test the first time and not make the bonehead mistake that failed me.  Then maybe I wouldn’t have had to try three more times to get a license.  No snickering from the peanut gallery, please.

Any of those things would be pure joy to relive, but there are less pleasant days I might choose to do over.

I could go back to the day I started smoking and NOT do that.  I could save myself tens of thousands of dollars and untold lost minutes of time.  

I might go back to the day I hooked work and, instead, actually show up for my shift instead of goofing off with friends.  Then I could have told my children I never got grounded in my life.

But after I thought about it some more, I realized I knew exactly where--or when, to be precise--I would go.  I knew the one second that, if I had the chance, I would do differently.

I would go back to that moment of time on my wedding day just after the priest asked “Who gives this woman to this man?” and my daddy said, “Her mother and I do.”  

I would give just about anything to go back to that very second when he let go of my arm and turned to sit in the pew with my mom, and I would make sure I took the time, the one or two seconds, to give him a hard hug and say, “I love you, Daddy.”

I would make sure, by saying that, that I knew he was proud that I had chosen someone worthy to take Daddy’s place as the most important man in my life.  

I don’t think I hurt Daddy’s feelings that day when I didn’t say those words.  I didn't cheat him out of anything because I said them to him before and after that day many times.  But as the years passed, I realized I had cheated myself.

We all have regrets because you just can't get through life without them. I've tried hard to accept my regrets and use them as a guide to living a better future. For the most part, I've been successful in leaving the past in the past, but that missed opportunity on my wedding day is the one regret that keeps coming back to haunt me.

I have learned to offset that regret by trying to not miss another opportunity to tell someone I love them.  Besides, I know I’ll get the chance someday to find Daddy in heaven and tell him then.

Images used:
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