Rebellion

I ran into an acquaintance at a civic organization function once upon a time, and we shared the usual news of spouses, careers, and children.

He told how his teenagers were giving him fits over the responsibilities he expected of them versus the privileges they expected for themselves.

It seems his 14-year-old son broke curfew one night.  My friend and his wife were waiting up for him when he got home, and he gave the explanation that he was old enough to stay out as late as he wanted.  Poor, misguided young man!  His parents let that slide and sent him to bed.  Their son, therefore, was unpleasantly surprised when he was awakened at 5:30 the next morning.  When he complained that he didn’t want to get up yet, my friend told him if he was adult enough to stay out past his curfew, he was adult enough to get up with the sun and do a good day’s work.  My friend’s son spent the day mowing every lawn on the block…for free.  The lesson must have hit home because he never broke curfew after that.

Having one kid buck the system is bad enough, but that’s always just the tip of the iceberg.  Not too long after the curfew incident, my friend’s daughter decided that she wasn’t going to deliver the paper to the people on her route.  This particular deception wasn’t discovered for two days.

When it finally came to light, my friend told his daughter that after supper they would go deliver those papers.  She thought it was pretty cool that her dad was going to help her out with this.  However, when she picked up the papers and tried to get in the car with him, he told her she’d be walking while he drove behind her.  She wasn’t quite as amenable to learning the life-lesson being offered by her dad and decided to drop the paper route.

To get any inkling of the irony of the stories my friend told me, you would have had to know him when HE was a teenager.  He broke every rule handed out at least two times.  Breaking curfews, skipping school, playing hooky from work; you name it, and he’d done it.  

I spent my share of time in teenage rebellion and, other than being grounded for a week when I was in college, I can’t say as I remember the punishments being painful...or even memorable, apparently.

As parents, Captain and I take a different approach to punishments.  Captain goes for the grand gesture.  As in you are grounded from everything for a month!  All that really meant was that *I* was grounded for a month because I was going to be the one hauling them here and there to where they needed to be since they weren’t allowed to drive.

My theory on punishment is, make it brief but make it hurt.  If I really wanted to punish Young Man for something, I wouldn’t take away his driving privileges for a month.  I’d make him spend a day with me at the mall shopping for bras and underwear.  If I wanted to drive a point home with Molly, I’d take her electronic devices away for 24 hours.  And I would disable the wi-fi in the house and password-lock the home PC to make sure she didn’t cheat.  

Come to think of it, losing computer privileges would be the ultimate punishment for Captain, too.

What would be a suitable punishment for me, you ask?  Lock up the coffee...that’d hurt.  Or I would hurt someone.  It could go either way.

Young Man got in trouble for something at some point, and he announced (having paid attention in Civic Government class), that we were violating his rights. Captain proceeded to tell him that, as a minor child in this household, his rights included three hots and a cot and that he--Young Man--needed to realize that democracy was out of his reach so he would have to settle for a dictatorship. Funny, Young Man didn't have a snappy comeback for that one.

In the end, as I realize that even the most rebellious person can evolve into a responsible, mature adult is comforting, especially as I look back at the years when MY children were teenagers and I had to decide where to draw the line between gaining independence and being rebellious.  And then I look at the amazing adults they are today, starting lives of their own, and I realize that Captain and I must have made more right decisions than wrong decisions.

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