I did the best I could with what I had

We watched Cubby for the afternoon on Sunday because Young man and Mama Bear were having an outing with some friends.  Got me some awesome Cubby time!  She is so stinking cute, and just at that age where everything she does is adorable.

Like spilling water on the floor out of her sippy cup.  Young Man and Mama Bear had come to pick her up, and we were all sitting in the living room visiting.  Cubby was drinking out of her sippy cup, until she got bored with it and turned it upside down so the water dripped out onto the floor.

Like any good Nana, I just smiled at her and wiped up the mess.  Young Man snarked about how HE would never have gotten away with that when HE was a kid.  Dude, you were not as persecuted as you think you were.

But then I got to thinking before I fell asleep about how confusing it must have been to be a child of mine.  Consider the variety of things I actually do remember saying to my children, often over the course of a single evening:

• Don’t run through the house!
• Will you hurry up?
• Speak up!
• There is no need to shout at me.
• I only have two hands, I can’t do everything at once.
• Pick up your clothes, put the toys away, and feed the cat.
• I don’t care who made the mess, I’m asking you to clean it up.
• You spilled the milk all by yourself, you clean it up all by yourself.
• Don’t whine.
• Fine, sit there and have a fit.
• Good night, sweetheart.  I love you too.

I also remember I used to lay in bed and pray for the knowledge, patience, and will to do better with my kids as the years went by.

Now I lay me down to rest, head on my pillow I lay.

I let my mind wander and drift over events that happened today.

I resurrect mistakes I made and march them through my mind.

And once again I make a vow to try to be more kind.

I think of my two children, fast asleep amid their dreams.

And think of how I hollered that their rooms are never clean.

Is cleanliness of such import that I could scarcely keep in mind

To show my children how to be gentle and how to be kind?

What lessons will they take when at last they leave our home?

Will criticism or love be the examples they have been shown?

When at last I stand on judgment day, before the Father of us all

Will I be granted my angel wings or will I make a fall?

Lord, please remind me that what all children need the most

Is love and respect and guidance, and to be cuddled, oh so close.

Now I lay me down to rest, with my head on my pillow I sleep.

This vow I make to you, oh Lord, please help me try to keep.

I don’t know that I actually ever did a better job of it as time went on, but both of our children turned into upstanding, law-abiding, productive citizens.  They both have gainful employment that they like and are good at.  They have people in their lives that they love.  And they come home to see Mama once in awhile, so I must have done something right.  And it is my private joy that someday...not too far off...they’ll be saying that prayer while they are lying in bed at night.